The Substitution
by Kaiser Washington
Summary: A chance substitution in the Shohoku team leads to great distress, but it may prove yet to be for the best. One-shot. Re-uploaded.


A/N: This was originally published in July 2008, making it one of my earliest published fics. Here it is, pretty much unaltered.

Summary: A chance substitution in the Shohoku team leads to great distress, but it may prove yet to be for the best.

* * *

 **The Substitution**

Perplexity is to the mind what disease is to the body. Perplexity is the hidden thorn in the rosebush, the viper concealed in the flowerbed, and perhaps your neighbor's Doberman. When it strikes, it is near impossible to fend off. Unless of course one calls upon one's brain cells to help one.

"Oh my fucking gosh!" exclaimed Mitsui, thoroughly ruining the pleasantness of the morning, as he held at arm's length a piece of paper as if it were moldy bread.

"What's wrong?" Ryota asked in all urgency, rushing up to the ex-gangster, expecting that the latter had probably had some difficulty in clearing his bowels that morning, and really had to go.

Mitsui said nothing, and thrust the paper in Ryota's face with the abruptness of something that is done very abruptly.

The diminutive point guard's eyes widened until they just about revealed their complete globular shape. He was dumbfounded, and he handed the paper over to Kogure as abruptly as Mitsui had handed it to him.

Kogure's eyebrows rose until they disappeared into his hairline. His glasses quivered precariously on his nose, threatening to fall. He handed the paper with a shaky hand to Rukawa, who turned a trifle paler than usual upon reading it.

"What is it?" asked Hanamichi, and Rukawa handed him the paper, and yes, he really did, and one must note at this point that he did not add 'idiot' or 'moron' or whatever insult Hanamichi was wont to receive from him.

Hanamichi read it, and it took him a while to comprehend the meaning of the contents, for he was linguistically handicapped for the most part, but he managed it fine in the end, and then joined the group of what appeared to be recruits for a zombie movie.

The gym door opened, and in came Captain Takenori Akagi, whistling exuberantly, and looking forward to another fruitful practice session.

He shut the door, still whistling, and turned to greet the team.

"Hey guys. Glad you're early - AAAAH!" he exclaimed upon seeing the same lugubrious expression on all his team members' faces. He stumbled backward, and fell hard on his bottom, in turn causing the hardwood floor to vibrate with the intensity of a magnitude 5 earthquake.

"What is up with you guys?" he asked, getting up and rubbing the spot on his behind that was causing him great discomfort.

Going with the flow, Hanamichi wordlessly handed him the paper, which had become slightly crumpled, with the kind of abruptness with which the reader is doubtless familiar by now.

Takenori read it and frowned. He frowned so deeply that if he had frowned any more deeply, his mouth would have fallen clean off his face. In fact, his mouth was virtually invisible as he abruptly pocketed the piece of paper, and marched mechanically to the far end of the court, where he engaged in agitated conversation with Ayako. The conversation ended when Ayako swooned.

Ryota had yet to recover from shock. He did not run wildly toward Ayako, or even turn his head in her direction, when he heard her horrified gasp and the dull thud that was the sound of her body making contact with the floor.

Upon regaining consciousness, Ayako clasped her hands on her cheeks, and screamed wildly, before swooning again, but this time giving everyone something to think about before she fainted. "Why... why would Coach Anzai do this to us?..."

This question echoed within everyone's head as they called upon whatever logical thinking skills they possessed, but in the end failed to come up with a rational explanation.

Why would Coach Anzai do such a thing? Why would he ask Coach Taoka to coach them in his absence? What 'duty' could be so important as to prevent him coming to Shohoku?

"Mornin' boys!"

Everyone's head turned mechanically toward the door, like that of the girl from Exorcist, as they perceived the unwelcome figure of Coach Taoka.

The Coach marched gaily toward the benches, a wide, wide smile plastered on his face. He placed his bag on a bench before swirling around like a hurricane and bellowing as loudly as one: "PRACTICE! NOW!"

Even though the Shohoku team's nervous sensibilities were almost completely impaired, the order shot through their ears like a gunshot, and they started practicing as if at the command of an inner voice.

They ran like robots around the court (although the robots being made at present are hardly capable of such dynamic movement), and then began shooting hoops in turn, as if it were a military regiment. The sound of the basketballs dribbling was rhythmic.

Coach Taoka had meanwhile undertaken the preposterously difficult task of completing the Sudoku game in that morning's newspaper. His face was flushed with the concentration of something that is very concentrated, and his tongue was caught between his teeth like a thick-skinned fish in a blunt guillotine.

"Aaah!" Ryota exclaimed as he slipped. He reflexively caught hold of Mitsui's shorts, and brought them down with him.

"Aaah!" Ayako exclaimed in the same tone of voice, covering her eyes with her hands and jumping around wildly, as though the act would make her forget what she had seen.

Mitsui swiftly pulled his shorts back up, but the damage had been done. He could not undo what had happened, what his teammates (not to mention Ayako) and Coach Taoka had all seen. Coach Taoka had even taken a picture of him on his cell phone.

Mitsui's face was redder than it had been back when the basketball team and Sakuragi's legion had beaten the crap out of him, and he wouldn't be surprised if it began steaming right now.

"Get on with practice," Coach Taoka ordered, now graduating to a crossword puzzle.

The team obeyed him more willingly this time, since practice was the perfect way to keep their minds off recent events that involved Mitsui going commando.

After five hours of excruciating practice and the much-awaited departure of Coach Taoka, the team sat down on the benches, panting extremely heavily, but happy despite it all that their suffering had paved way to triumph in the end.

"I think this dark cloud has a silver lining," said Takenori, panting as though he had just run a marathon. In fact, the amount of physical activity the Shohoku team had done that morning was enough to put any marathon runner to shame.

Nobody replied, but the unasked question "What?" was reflected in everyone's expression.

"Now we know how much luckier we are than the Ryonan team."

 **-O-O-O-**

Elsewhere…

"Very good, Sendoh-kun!"

"Thank you very much, Anzai-sensei!"

"Ho, ho, ho!"


End file.
